Immutable Laws of the Universe (sorry, but I don't know the source !)

Law of Mechanical Repair:
After your hands become coated with grease, your nose will begin to itch, or you'll have to pee.

Law of Probability:
The probability of being watched is directly proportional to the stupidity of your act.

Law of the Telephone:
If you dial a wrong number, you never get a busy signal.

Variation Law:
If you change lines (or traffic lanes), the one you were in will start to move faster than the one you are in now (works every time).

Law of the Bath:
When the body is fully immersed in water, the telephone rings.

Law of Close Encounters:
The probability of meeting someone you know increases when you are with someone you don't want to be seen with.

Law of the Result:
When you try to prove to someone that a machine won't work, it will.

Law of Biomechanics:
The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the reach.

Law of the Theatre:
At any event, the people whose seats are furthest from the aisle arrive last.

Murphy's Law of Lockers:
If there are only two people in a locker room, they will have adjacent lockers.

Law of Rugs or Carpets:
The chances of an open-faced jelly sandwich landing face down on a floor covering are directly correlated to the newness and cost of the carpet/rug.

Law of Logical Argument:
Anything is possible if you don't know what you are talking about.

Oliver's Law:
A closed mouth gathers no feet.

Wilson's Law:
As soon as you find a product that you really like, they will stop making it

Civilised China ?

I don't know why we still consider China to be civilised as in a late report we find that some 5000 rare animals destined for the restaurants of Southern China has been found drifting off the coast of China - the rest of us are bending over backwards to preserve many species threatened with extinction - yet here are many Southern Chinese restaurants featuring these same species on their menu's ? Where are the authorities in this matter ?

Seniors giving birth

With all the new technology regarding fertility recently, a 70-year-old woman was able to give birth. When she was discharged from the hospital and went home, her relatives came to visit.

'May we see the new baby?' one asked.

'Not yet,' said the mother. 'I'll make coffee and we can visit for a while first.' Thirty minutes had passed, and another relative asked, 'May we see the new baby now?'

'No, not yet,' said the mother.

After another few minutes had elapsed, they asked again, 'May we see the baby now?'

'No, not yet,' replied the mother.

Growing very impatient, they asked, 'Well, when can we see the baby?'

'WHEN HE CRIES!' she told them.

'WHEN HE CRIES?' they demanded. 'Why do we have to wait until he CRIES?'

'BECAUSE I FORGOT WHERE I PUT HIM. O.K.?'

Gang sentenced to 50 years in jail!

You then read the report only to discover that fifty gang-members got twelve months each.

Here's an example of what I mean  A judge has jailed 15 dealers for more than 41 years , oh really?

And this one Lovers' 30-year sentence , actually they got 18 and 12 years respectively - quite a difference. At this rate we'll soon see "Shoplifters sentenced to 30,000 years in jail in England last year".

Tough on crime and tough on the reporting of crime!